Phrygian Hermaphrodite Deity is Manly No More! (By Gillian)

 Oh, oh, looks like even the gods can’t keep their manlihoods! And it’s not even Agdie’s ex that cut those sensitive things off! (BTW, Zeus totally deserves a nut cut-off, too. But… if Hera didn’t target the wrong people so much, us at Perez Homer might not get enough material, so it evens up in the end.) And despite that little note, it wasn’t solely her either. It was a group effort on the part of all the Olympians. Yep. That one humble hermaphrodite from Phrygia scared them all so much, they just had to neuter it! Why? We’ll just say that the gods lost their marbles. Or rather, they never had any in the first place!
Like, seriously, look at what they name their kids! Apollo, Persephone, Heracles…
We use sensible names, like: Pericles, Socrates, Militiades…
Anyway, back on topic: when our Agdie lost his balls, he also changed his name. To Kybele. And since he still had his womanly flower, he became a goddess as well. It was her no-nuts crisis! And a normal part of being a god. As I said before, well, they are all crazy. Even the ones that aren’t.
And the scandal only got more scandalous from there!

Nuts aren’t just an euphemism now, baby!

His nuts became an almond tree, making ‘nuts’ literal instead of purely figurative. And a nymph, named Nana (which BTW, makes her sound like an old woman), sat beneath the balls-tree and a nut fell in her lap. And that got her preggers!
The baby, little cutie Attie, grew up and turned this into a hetero/homo incest thing. Yep, his father/mother has a consort and that consort is his/her son!
And this scandal will probably only get thornier and twistier from here!
Perez Homer, hoping the gods won’t cut off my nuts!
Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Assignments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s